Here's the thing. I don't enjoy the holiday season. I wish I did, but I don't. I've hit a season of life where I relate more to the Grinch or Scrooge in the beginning of the movies. I've gotten better at not comparing myself to others, but the holiday season is easy to start comparing lives since I don't have that picturesque family holiday steeped in tradition. I really wish I could accept and allow life to be as it is, but I'm not very good at letting go of these expectations, yet.
This is something that brings me pain and puts me in a foul mood November - December. I know it's my issue and only up to me to figure out how to move through this pain, but in the moment it's really hard to let go of my mind's thoughts about it all and let it be as it is.
What I do enjoy is the arrival of the 26th of December. In this week between Christmas and New Years Day time feels slowed down and the world seems quieter to me. This is how my inner world feels and so my outer world reflects this.
This is the time for me where I can reflect on my year while working towards what I wish to be surrounded by in the year to come. A time of letting go of what doesn't work while allowing myself to feel open about a fresh new year about to begin.
What I wish for is to feel better day to day inside my body, inside my mind so that my outer world will being feeling better too. I wish to discover how to feel happy regardless of what life brings my way. I know that looking outside of myself for the happiness answer isn't going to bring me lasting happiness. I've been chasing happiness all my adult life. Some years I think I catch it only to feel it slipping away day by day. I feel happiest is when I'm distracted by my inner world by new exciting outer world events. Then when those feel old and familiar I'm left with myself who I realize is hurting and has always been hurting.
With this new year I wish to distract myself no more. To focus my attention on myself with the goal of learning to feel unconditional happiness. I want more still moments like I feel this last week of the year. Where time slows down and activities do too.
More writing, more reading, more meditating, more turning down the volume of my ego mind, more connecting with my soul, more allowing life to unfold how its unfolding, more quiet mornings writing here for you to read. More working with the affirmation candles to unlock my pain to make way for total self love and acceptance. More compassion for myself in times of inner distress. And most of all, I wish to discover more of who I really am deep inside.
What is it you're wishing to feel and do more of in the new year? I'd love to connect with you in the comments below!