Inspiration by way of the shower
These words came to me today while showering. I was feeling a bit discouraged in the slowness of my new career growth when I heard these words.
Even though things aren't completely dialed in, I am complete. There is more is to be experienced in life for us all, but at this moment in time we are complete. We are always complete even if we think otherwise.
An ego's unrest
As I write these words my soul feels they ring true, but the ego mind is wanting to believe otherwise. Doesn't the definition of the word "complete" mean having it all, to be whole? How can a piece of my life not be here, but I'm supposed to feel complete as I am? At the moment for me it's work. For you maybe it's work, a relationship, family, health, or home that you feel lack within. The lack you equate with being the last piece to complete the happiness puzzle. When x materializes all will be well, but until then you won't feel happy and complete.
This past year I've had two major lessons in happiness not coming when I thought it would. These are lessons I've had since my late teen years, but it wasn't until this year that I've actually listened to what they had to teach me.
The first was when I had my braces removed on January 2nd 2018. I thought everything in my life would be perfect once my teeth were no longer crooked. Sure my life is improved now that I'm not self conscious to smile or talk to people. No longer is my mind cluttered with negative thoughts of my teeth, but did all my issues go away that day leaving only a perfectly happy me? Nope. In fact I got even unhappier as I realized straight teeth weren't the magical solution for my life.
The second lesson was a couple months later in March when I quit my j-o-b of 12 years. The j-o-b that became a soul sucker and gave me a tinge of ptsd with the toxic environment that it had been over the years. It was best to numb myself emotionally near the end in order to get through the day. The j-o-b that had my intuition practically screaming at me to "get out!". The day finally came when I decided to leap to full-time entrepreneurship. Once I no longer dreaded 5 days out of the week my life would be nothing but sunshiny rainbows like the ones that dance across my home office walls in the morning light.
Was my emotional health improved with this change? Yes of course it was. Was everything after this perfect and my life the happiest it's ever been? Nope again. Actually I think I've felt my most unhappy this year than I have in awhile. Let me tell you why I think this is. While the quality of my day to day life was much improved, and I had freedom to do with my days what I wanted, I was unhappy because I didn't feel happy.
Let me repeat that. I was unhappy that I wasn't happy. If things I wish daily to be true don't make me happy then how will I ever find happiness? How can I be happy in the midst of the work in progress that is my life?
These two experiences led me towards reading material on how to let go of control and my ego mind in order to find lasting happiness. Books like The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The lessons in these books are helping me relearn to be present in my life. That by being present in this moment all the unease of the future and regret of the past dissolves away. We are always whole, always complete when we connect in the present moment with our inner being, our soul, our guidance within instead of connecting with our ego mind.
I'll be honest, it's scary to accept that my life is imperfect and I could be happy regardless of what my outer world is. It's like I fear if I fully accept this my world will blow up. Since by accepting all is well I'm relinquishing that control, that worry which I feel keeps me safe and my life in order. The thing is... this worry and control only creates, discontent, discomfort and distraction from being fully present in life. I've tried finding happiness from things coming into my life and it hasn't been a permanent fix.
More is always in store for us all, but in the present moment we are complete because our purpose is simply to experience life. We can be happy in the midst of this messy human life we live. Happiness can be imperfect and we can feel complete while still striving for more in this lifetime.
I don't have all the answers for how to achieve this state of total acceptance of self and life except to have compassion for yourself when you feel any lack. Soothe yourself in these moments with encouraging words, images, affirmations, music, deep breaths and allow those feelings to move through and out of you. Don't judge or beat yourself up if you find yourself comparing your life to others. Let the thoughts go out of focus and don't feed them with anymore of your attention.
Over time the scale tips to the more positive happy feeling place that came from inside and emanates outward. I've had the scale tip for me in speaking words of encouragement and love for myself before and I have no doubts that the same will occur in feeling complete and happy regardless of what my outer world looks like.
The happiest old lady on the block?
This work takes time, but it's not a race. It's the reason I think we're here. To learn how to live unencumbered with doubt and find happiness within ourselves.
My ego could think, "if only I started on this inner happiness journey earlier! I could be so much further ahead in life."
When that thought cycle begins all I have to do is think about all the years ahead of me. "How will my life look if I continue learning how to be happy regardless of any life events, how will it look in 20 years, in 40 years? I could be the happiest oldest lady who is easily connects to her true inner self having kicked ego to the curb years back.
It's never to late to begin this inner work of feeling whole, compete, present, and happy. I hope you enjoyed reading these words today and received a bit of insight into any struggles you're currently working through.
xo Brooke G.